Love and Relationships

Filling Up When Your Self-Confidence is Running on E

This just in: I – am – convinced: The Instagram gods and geeks must’ve deliberately made endless scrolling a thing deliberately. They knew just how to make that thing addictive, didn’t they?

I’m an avid ‘Instagrammer’ as you probably are too, and whether I want to admit it or not, it’s a daily habit. There’s something satisfying about checking out chic and on-trend fashion, new food ideas. Plus, I enjoy posting a pretty moment or two.

On the flip side though (and it’s been happening a lot lately), the endless scrolling sometimes takes me down a rabbit hole lined with doubting myself (can I ever have an exciting relationship like theirs?), questioning my worth both inside and out (I must not be that good of a friend, no one asks me to go on these ‘girl gang’ trips…will I ever get to be that skinny to look as good in those tops?) and after a few minutes (or twenty), feeling lower than dirt.

If we’re willing to admit it, sometimes getting those sneak peeks of other people’s lives can make us feel like ours pale in comparison, or ought to be so much better than it is. If that sounds like you too, here are three daily habits worth starting to boost your confidence and self-esteem, even when the IG feeds feel like they’re dragging you down:

Building Blocks for Self Confidence: #1: Think positive thoughts

The more time you spend dwelling on negative thoughts, the less confident you will feel, so start to think positively to balance that nagging negative bias.

Instead of berating yourself over what’s been missed out on, or what mistake was made, start to think of your successes and achievements.

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Instead of dwelling on the things you can’t do very well, start to think about the many things that you can do well.

Whether you sit with a gratitude journal (my personal favourite thing to do, it works wonders), contemplate in a quiet corner of your local coffee shop, or use an online meditation to help you think positive thoughts, do something every time negativity threatens to overwhelm your thinking. You will naturally improve your self-confidence if you do.

Instead of letting the negative words of toxic others drift into your mind, filter them out, and balance them with the positive words that others have spoken over you, or that you’ve spoken over yourself! Turn a couple pages of your gratitude journal, if you need a reminder of a moment that sparked joy.

Building Blocks for Self Confidence – #2 Bravely Step Out of Your Comfort Zone

There is a popular saying that’s been on my mind lately: ‘If you want something you have never done before, you need to do something you have never done before,’ so think on this in relation to your life. If there is something you want, but haven’t had the courage to pursue, then you need to put your best foot forward, girl, and just give it a go. Personally, the regret almost always outweighs that initial fear of trying.

If you’re eyeing a promotion at work, you might want to pluck up the courage to go back to school or to take an online course to improve a particular skill the job calls for.

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If you want to be more confident around others, you might want to spend more time with socializing (in small doses, if that helps) perhaps by joining a hobby group on your Bumble or Meetup app or joining a couple work colleagues on a night out.

If you find yourself regularly backing out of social occasions because of anxiety and fear, then you need to push yourself forward out of your comfort zone, instead of retreating into it. Give yourself bite-sized goals of maybe one ‘fun night’ per month, and work your way up from there.

Building Blocks for Self-Confidence #3: Don’t accept failure

We all fail; some of us do it a hundred times a day. We screw up at work, we say the wrong thing, and there are endless other ways failure can rear its ugly head. And when it does, we have two choices:

a) We can give in to our failings and let them play havoc with our self-confidence. Or…

b) Pick up ourselves up, look at what went wrong, and strive to be better.

To build confidence then, don’t let your failings rule your day or your future. Use them to strengthen you; to give you the impetus to build upon your skills, and to reflect upon and alter your actions. You can then bounce back having learned from your mistakes, learned about yourself from the moments of self-doubt being stronger and better than ever.

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