Life & Love

The Tough Stuff I’ve Learnt Over the Past Decade

In lieu of making resolutions or a list of things I’m ‘leaving behind in 2019’, it felt more fitting to do a ‘decade-in-review’ of sorts. I hope my list resonates in some way with you. Even if it does not, drop me a note with at least one big thing you learnt in the past decade.

Your Beliefs Are Yours. Completely.

Which means changing, improving, completely closing your ears off to the dangerous ones? All okay. All valid. I put so many ideas and plans to rest in the work arena this year, strictly out of fear that I would mess up the initiative, completely trash the project or an idea for an event would not take off even slightly. It took me taking ownership of my negative thoughts, and understanding that they only stem from within myself (aka, self-talk that looked something like: “Seriously Talisa, you’re the only one who thinks you can’t do this”), to begin changing them.

Go Where You’re Celebrated

… you know how the saying goes; and I’ve started living it in new areas of my life (like, relationships, hello!). There’s nothing sweeter than embracing people and spaces that – newsflash – actually want to embrace you back, with open arms.

This lesson sometimes takes a refresher course or two each year, but for 2019, mastering it felt like the most burdensome weight had been lifted off my shoulders. Yes, trying to ‘fit’ into hearts where you’re not quite wanted is more trouble than it is ever worth; and with all the jobs I already have spilling over my plate, there’s no sane reason I should want to add yet another chore to my life. The work that comes wth wanting, needing, begging, pleading to be liked? May I never sign up for it again.

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Pick A Side; You Can’t Want It And Be Afraid Of It At the Same Time

It would take us days to get through the list of ‘want-to-do’s,’, want-to-accomplish’s’ and ‘want-to-try’s’ that I’ve amassed over the years. Along with them too, tucked away somewhere, is a reason or two as to why I ‘couldn’t do it’. On the surface, I wanted lots, but underneath, I had a lot of doubt along with it. Dreaming big, whilst my belief in myself cowering in the shadows.

Recent years pointed out to me, though, that action and apprehension simply can’t co-exist. It was a frustration with myself, actually; that there was so much to be done, but I had been afraid to actually give any of it a go. It didn’t feel right to continue robbing myself of exciting opportunities to go somewhere/be somewhere new/try something new.

“…action and apprehension simply can’t co-exist.”

People May Not Understand the Roads You Take…

…until they’re on them later.

In the early part of the 2010s, a personal shift happened. I didn’t see it coming, didn’t put it on a vision board, nothing like that. I’d been a huge party girl for years (someone once straight up called me a ‘socialite’ …yes insert eye-roll here), and when I’d hit 22, 23, thereabouts, a tiredness swept over me. I was over it all, and found myself losing friends because one day I decided maybe I should start going to different kinds of events, doing different things and frequenting different spaces.

Yawning, literally yawning, in the middle of a party surrounded by hype, music and drinks? Yeah, no. It was clearly time to let it go. But there were people who didn’t agree and ‘friends’ dropped like flies, the more I declined a dizzying Friday night out. It surprised me (and hurt like hell) to see people leaving me in the dust because my idea of fun had changed.

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The irony, though, was that not too many years after, they’d hung up their hats too. It showed me that if people don’t understand your choices, let it be. You’ll be fine, in the end, as long as it comes from a solid place.

Thanks for giving me a few minutes to share my ‘decade in review’ with you. Did you find yourself in any of these? Don’t forget to share yours below! xo